I’ve had an assortment of nicknames. When I was a little one, before elementary school, I used to say the word ‘but’ at the end of sentences instead of at the beginning. Why? I don’t know, but I do have audio proof of this. Example:

Mother: Time for bed Benj.
Me: I’m not tired but!

So, this lead to my two older brothers calling me Ben Butt for many years to come. They still do occasionally.

In college, my roommate and I had our own way of talking. We’d place an ‘ar’ before the end of words. Example:

Yars! Arts tarm tar gar tar thar bars! Larts garrrr!
Translated: Yes! It’s time to go to the bars. Let’s go!

So he’d call me Barn instead of Ben, which led to Bern, which led to Bernie, which led to Bernie Bentablo, Bernie B, Bernie Mac, Bernzai, etc.

There are others, but those are the ones that have stuck the most.

You’re forgetting my nickname for you: Johnny Thundernuts.

I ALSO had a few nicknames from when I was a kid. My sisters and I all answer to the names of the other two, because our parents used to forget which one was which when they were yelling.

“Lisa! Jenny-Amy-JENNY! LISA! AMMMMMY!”

Just like that. And one time, there was an unfortunate Lisa-Amy combo, which turned into “Lamy.”

I was Lamy for a good decade after that.

Around the same time period, I was given the name “Fartner” by my kind peers in elementary school. It had more to do with their awesome rhyming abilities than, uh, my flatulatory skilz. I think.

And then I made the mistake of telling both of those stories to one a’them jokester-type guys at the school paper in college. I was Lamy Fartner until he graduated.

And now you are Lamy Fartner again. Thank you for your self-destructive honesty.

Yeah, I saw that one coming! I decided the story was too funny NOT to take the personal hit, though, Stinky_McPee.

Me too. That was a set-up waiting to happen. LOL!

I promise I’ll never call you that again to your face.

Man, that’s some creative stuff. As a kid I went by Joey, which my middle school friends then changed to “Hoey,” because apparently I was pretty promiscuous back then. Although I wasn’t.