Sex seems like a problematic topic for Americans.

On the one hand, this is the land of the puritans, a country beholden to a Bible belt, a place where breasts aren’t allowed on television (unless you’ve got good cable). On the other hand, 12-year-old girls roam the streets wearing short-shorts with “Juicy” written on the fanny, and books written by porn stars are on national best-seller lists.

I’m curious about the sexual identity of Americans because I just took the penultimate step toward becoming an American. I completed the citizenship test required of all aspiring Yanks, and in a few months I should be sworn in and get my passport.

So I guess I’m wondering whether as a new-minted member of the Land of the Free, I’ll end up a member of the hyper-sexualized pornografication-gratification set within the American psyche, or whether I’ll become part of the national culture’s other, more chaste, repressed, do-gooding half? And is there even a real divide? Or do both the extra-naughty and the overly-nice only represent the extreme ends of the bell curve?

Indy.com user Slutmuffin had a few choice words on the topic: “I was watching Jenna Jameson in Zombie Strippers for five minutes last night on Spike. Couldn’t see anything except plenty of violence! Go America!” she wrote. “Also, according to your curve I would land firmly on both ends of it….that’s what she said.”

Excellent wit, but what Slutmuffin said about violence was insightful. How is it that bloodshed is so acceptable where nudity is not? It’s all been said before, I guess, but it still amazes me.

Where I’m from (Australia), you get full-frontal nudity on television, free-to-air. America censors out pubic hair and butt cracks on Survivor!

Yet, as far as I can tell, oral sex here is just another step on the way to penetrative sex. Elsewhere, it is awarded only when true sexual intimacy has already been reached. (I even remember Salman Rushdie once theorizing that the backseat actions of American girls are indulged in specifically so they can go home to daddy and mommy — hand on heart — and say they waited.)

Americans seem to be at once sexual trendsetters, yet light years behind the rest of the world. Again, a land of polar opposites, of scorching sexual exploration and frigid sexual repression.

As for me, I know exactly where I’ll land on the spectrum: Stewing in a warm, wet sexual melting pot with the rest of you.

Top 10 One Night Stands

10. “Something Wild”

Ah, remember a time when Melanie Griffiths was hot?

9. “Species”

The guy had his skull crushed, but he also got his world rocked.

8. “One Night Stand”

Ah, remember a time when Wesley Snipe had talent?

7. “Indecent Proposal”

Demi Moore chose the millionaire Robert Redford. Big deal.

6. “Fatal Attraction”

Michael Douglas and Glenn Close. Ugh. That was truly fatal.

5. “Derailed”

Clive Owen got way more than he bargained for with Jennifer Aniston.

4. “Knocked Up”

The unholy pairing Katherine Heigl with Seth Rogen has to make the list.

3. “Titanic”

Cargo hold sex with a stranger, the night the Titanic sinks. That qualifies.

2. “About Last Night”

How many awkward moments does that three-word title revive?

1. “Terminator”

This interlude created our savior. Was it good for you? It was good for us all.

— Source: thevine.com.au